Dealing
by kensi54382
Summary: Olivia deals with her attack at Sealview. (My take on what should've happened when Olivia went to see a therapist after Sealview.)
1. Progress

Olivia got up from her desk and almost tripped over her chair. She wasn't thinking straight. Her thoughts were on her attack at Sealview Women's Correctional Facility. Apart from Fin, no-one knew about the attack. However, Olivia knew that she had to tell Elliot.

"Elliot, can I speak to you in private please?" asked Olivia.

"Sure sweetie," replied Elliot.

The two of them walked outside.

"What's up honey?" asked Elliot.

"You wanted to know about Sealview right? Well, I've decided that I'm going to tell you. Harris took me down to the basement. I was cuffed and I couldn't do anything to stop him. He hit me over and over. I tried to stop him but he...he threatened to kill me. Fin came in just in time otherwise I...I...I would've been raped El," replied Olivia.

"Oh...ah...have you spoken to a therapist yet?"

"No...I can't even tell Cragen. It's so hard to speak about it. It's all I can think about. I see his face every time I close my eyes. I cant sleep and I barely eat. If I didn't have to come to work every day, I wouldn't do anything or leave my apartment."

Elliot looked at Olivia and saw that she was crying. He felt helpless. The only thing that Elliot could think of doing was getting Olivia to speak to a therapist.

****Two Days Later****

"Olivia, you'll probably be annoyed with me but I made you an appointment with Huang. He's expecting you to be there in half an hour," said Elliot.

"I'm not annoyed El, in fact I was going to ask you to make an appointment. Will you come with me please?" asked Olivia.

"I'll wait outside for you. It's up to you to open up to him."

"Thankyou El."

****Half An Hour Later****

"Come in Olivia," said Huang when Olivia knocked on the door.

"Thanks," said Olivia quietly.

"Have a seat. When you're ready, tell me what's going on. I'll decide whether you should speak to me or a therapist at the end of the session Liv."

"When I was at Sealview, Harris took me down to the basement. I was cuffed and I couldn't do anything to stop him. He hit me over and over. I tried to stop him but he...he threatened to kill me. Fin came in just in time otherwise I...I...I would've been raped. I didn't know what to do."

"Have you told anyone besides Elliot?"

"Only Fin knows. Cragen knows that I was attacked but he doesn't know about the sexual assault."

"Alright. I don't think that you should be talking to me Olivia. You need to speak to a therapist not a psychologist. I know a lady. She's a therapist. You'll like her. Her name is Rebecca Hendricks. I can make you an appointment with her if you like Liv."

"Yes please. It doesn't matter if we know each other does it?"

"No, it might even make it easier to talk to her."


	2. Talking to a Therapist

"Olivia, when you're ready, tell me what happened okay. I'm not here to force you to talk," said Rebecca.

"I know, it's just weird that I need to speak to a therapist after nine years of working at SVU Rebecca," replied Olivia.

"I know sweetie, but it happens and we learn to deal with it."

"Did Huang tell you anything?"

"He told me that you were sexually assaulted not raped. He didn't tell me anything else though. I promise that no-one will find out from me."

"Thankyou. Harris tried to rape me but Fin stopped him. I was pretty lucky actually. He didn't get the chance do a lot of the things he did to the other women in there."

"What do you mean?"

"He used to grab a knife and slice open their breasts. Or he would stick his fingers into them as far as they would go. He tried to bite my ah...my breasts when he undressed me but he didn't get the chance. Instead he rubbed his hands along them and then rubbed himself."

"What else did he do Olivia?"

"Nothing, he couldn't. Fin pulled him away from me before he did anymore damage."

"How do you feel now, when you reflect on your attack?"

"Terrified. I can't sleep or eat. I barely get through the day anymore."

"That's okay. We'll work through it together and you'll be back to your usual self in no time."

"It's my fault Rebecca."

"How?"

"I shouldn't have let him take me down there in the first place. I should've stopped him."

"If you could have, you would have Olivia. You deal with victims all the time. You know that you aren't to blame sweetie. The blame lies with the perp, not the victim."

"I know that but it still feels like I did something wrong."

Rebecca looked into Olivia's eyes. All she could see was sadness. Olivia was usually so happy and full of life. Now she was lifeless and unhappy.

"Olivia, don't blame yourself for something you didn't do. I know it's hard. It'll probably get harder before you deal with it but that's okay. I'm here to help you get through this."

"Thanks Rebecca but I'm not sure if this is such a good idea."

"I won't force you to talk but I think that it would be good for you, no matter how long it takes Olivia."


	3. Therapy

Olivia walked into Rebecca's office with very little confidence. She had already been to three sessions. Rebecca hadn't been lying about Olivia slowly regaining her confidence. She had started eating properly again and was slowly remembering who she could trust.

"Hey Olivia," said Rebecca.

"Hi," replied Olivia quietly. She was still uncomfortable with therapy but Rebecca was making it easier for her.

"Are you talking to your colleagues yet?"

"Sort of. I talk to my boss and partner like normal. I even talk to Fin more now but I still don't feel very comfortable with Munch. He's really nice to me and he helps out but it's different to what it was like before this."

"It'll get easier sweetie. As long as you remember that they're your friends and that they wouldn't hurt you, it'll be fine. Have you started sleeping properly?"

"No, when I'm not working on a case, I sleep on the couch. I just can't sleep in my bed. I remember everything that he did when I touch it."

"Okay, that's okay. We can work on it. How do you feel about starting to work through the nightmares?"

"If it helps to stop them, I'm fine with it."

"Alright. Tell me about the nightmares. How frequent are they?"

"I have them almost every night."

"What are they about?"

"Sometimes they're about the attack and there's nothing different. Other times, they're about the attack but Fin doesn't come to rescue me."

"Why do you think that the incorrect versions come up?"

"I don't know. I guess it's because I'm having trouble trusting Fin. I know that he would never leave me, but it doesn't change the fact that he almost didn't arrive and save me."

"Have you tried to talk to him about it yet?"

"No. I have tried but it's so hard to bring it up."

"Alright. How about I get him to come in and you can talk to him here. Would you be more comfortable doing that?"

"Yes. Maybe I can stop some of the nightmares that way."

"Alright. I'll get him in for our next session. What would you say if I told you that I could put you in a group session once a month with women that are going through the same thing as you?"

"I guess it sounds okay. Will you be there?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll try it."


	4. Group Session

Olivia walked into her first group session, wishing that she hadn't agreed to it. It had only been a week since Rebecca had mentioned it but she was feeling like she was making a huge mistake. She didn't know if she could tell a whole group of women what had happened to her, and she would have to eliminate some details because it had been a part of a rape case. It was going to be a difficult morning.

"Welcome Olivia, come and have a seat," smiled Rebecca.

"Thanks," replied Olivia.

"Would you like to start us off today Olivia?"

"Not really."

"It's okay to be nervous. Everyone is on the first session. However, I won't force you. Take your time."

Olivia smiled at Rebecca in thanks. She wasn't ready to talk to other people yet. She closed her eyes until she heard Rebecca's voice.

"Amy, would you like to tell us about the last month?" she asked.

"Okay. It's been a good month actually. I think I'm finally ready to stop these sessions. I feel a lot better now and everything's back to normal."

"That's great. I'm very happy for you Amy. Okay, would anyone else like to tell us about their month, or would you like to divide up and do some activities first?"

"Divide up," said the group in unison.

"Alright. Everyone pair up please."

The women immediately stood up and found a friend. Olivia and Amy were the only ones left.

"Hi. It's Olivia, right?" asked Amy.

"Yes."

"I'm Amy. Come on, let's sit down before we start having some fun."

"What are the activities?"

"I don't know. They're different every month but they're always fun and interesting. You'll like them."

"Okay."

"Are you alright Olivia?"

"I'm just nervous I guess. I can't tell anyone what happened to me cause it was a part of a case at work and I can't talk about cases."

"Where do you work?"

"NYPD."

"Cool. You're a cop?"

"Yeah."

"What happened to you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I... I was s-sexually assaulted while I was working undercover."

"I'm sorry. It'll get easier in a little while. Trust me."

"How long did it take for you to overcome it?"

"About two months. But that was after I spoke to Rebecca. I waited almost eight weeks after I was raped to speak to someone."

"I waited almost four months to talk to someone."

"That's okay. I learned that it doesn't matter how long you wait, once you do it gets easier."

Olivia smiled at her new friend and then looked up to find that everyone else was back in a circle with Rebecca. Deciding that Amy had made Olivia see how easy it was to talk, Olivia followed Amy to their seats and started to tell everyone what had happened to her.


End file.
